{"id":692,"date":"2012-04-26T12:14:08","date_gmt":"2012-04-26T12:14:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/?p=692"},"modified":"2014-07-14T13:28:52","modified_gmt":"2014-07-14T13:28:52","slug":"dubai-psychologist-fair-fighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/dubai-psychologist-fair-fighting\/","title":{"rendered":"Dubai Psychologist: Fair Fighting"},"content":{"rendered":"

What is your goal? <\/strong>\u00a0Establish what you want from the exchange.\u00a0 Do you want a behavioural change in the other person?\u00a0 Do you want understanding?\u00a0 Do you want them to show you how they feel?\u00a0 Do you want to retaliate or punish the other person? State that goal!
\nWhy now?<\/strong> Are you hungry, tired or very busy?\u00a0 Are you upset about something else, your mother\u2019s health, work or politics?\u00a0 How is the other person doing?\u00a0 Are they too tired, too emotional?\u00a0 Pick the best time to talk not the worst.
\nDon\u2019t fight, communicate.<\/strong>\u00a0 If you want a battle you shall have one.\u00a0 This may relieve some pressure in you but often your message is lost in your delivery.\u00a0 Fighting also allows the other person to discredit what you have said because of how you said it.\u00a0 Be polite, reserved and get your message across.\u00a0 Don\u2019t give the other person a reason to not listen.
\nCommunicate.<\/strong>\u00a0 Tell the other person how much time you want and what you would like them to do.\u00a0 \u201cPlease listen to me for 10 minutes before you go to work!\u00a0 I am feeling afraid.\u00a0 I would like to see you more outside the house.\u00a0 I miss your company!\u201d\u00a0 Fighting is:\u201dYou don\u2019t love me anymore!\u00a0 All we do together is take care of the kids!\u201d
\nLanguage.<\/strong>\u00a0 Stay away from slang and jargon.\u00a0 When emotions are running high this can be confusing and taken as an insult.\u00a0 \u201cI was gutted when you disrespected me!\u201d\u00a0 Means something totally different from\u201d I was afraid and embarrassed when you told that joke!\u201d\u00a0 Keep you words simple and don\u2019t try and empress them with your language.\u00a0 Your goal is communication not perform.
\nBody language.<\/strong>\u00a0 Do you have a wry smile on you face?\u00a0 Are you frowning?\u00a0 Are you pacing?\u00a0 Are your hands clenched as you block the exit to the room?\u00a0 Our body can speak more than our words.
\nListen.<\/strong>\u00a0 Listen for meaning not words and delivery.\u00a0 Don\u2019t just listen for a mistake in their thinking or facts so you can catch them on it.\u00a0 Why are they saying this in the first place?\u00a0 What do they want?\u00a0 How are they feeling?\u00a0 Does it really matter what time who came home and who said what when. \u00a0When we talk about feelings we often have to give examples that are not perfect.\u00a0 They are trying to get you to understand.\u00a0 Listen!
\nBe curious.<\/strong>\u00a0 Interview the person you are having this discussion with.\u00a0 Why now?\u00a0 Do you really understand why they are bothered by your behaviour?\u00a0 Ask them questions and try to understand fully before your respond. Does this person need to tell their story before you respond?
\nAssume nothing.<\/strong>\u00a0 We often take for granted that we know what the other person wants and what they believe.\u00a0 \u201cI thought you liked it when I paid for things?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cOf course I don\u2019t want to be alone!\u201d Ask the other person if they like it when you do this or if things you do for them are wanted or desired.\u00a0 \u201cI would much rather you talk to me than buy me expensive gifts.\u201d
\nExperiment.<\/strong>\u00a0 If you always argue about the same things in the same way try a different way.\u00a0 Start the discussion in the morning.\u00a0 Be alone or go to the park.\u00a0 Change your goal to a smaller one.\u00a0 Just listen to them to see if you learn something new or if it changes the dynamics of the relationship.\u00a0 If you have trouble staying in control try writing it down.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What is your goal? \u00a0Establish what you want from the exchange.\u00a0 Do you want a behavioural change in the other person?\u00a0 Do you want understanding?\u00a0 Do you want them to show you how they feel?\u00a0 Do you want to retaliate or punish the other person? State that goal! Why now? Are you hungry, tired or<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":13565,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-692","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/692","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=692"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/692\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13565"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=692"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=692"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.gncdubai.com\/ar\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=692"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}