Why is \u2018no\u2019 such a hard word to say? And when does that fear settle in? Why is going against the grain \u2013 and setting boundaries – so daunting? People pleasing \u2013 or going to great lengths to avoid confrontation and to keep things friendly \u2013 is a characteristic that often leads to people liking you, but takes a toll on your own sense of being.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also a trait one tends to hand down to their own wards \u2013 an inheritance most people do not want but are made treasurers of anyway.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s not to say that DNA doesn\u2019t predispose us to pleasing people; in our hunter-gatherer days, you were either part of the group or not; those who didn\u2019t get along with others were left out to fend for themselves. And that feeling of wanting to belong has permeated into our strands of being with all the finality of a foundation stone.<\/p>\n
But, explains Dr Umut Dalanay, Psychiatrist at German Neuroscience Center, that the need to please others and not rock the boat is one that is very much nurtured. \u201cNature, in this case genetic components, generally determine the potential of an individual while the upbringing decides the usage of this potential. Being a pleaser is believed to be available in every individual to a certain extent. However, the usage of this available potential through our early upbringing can be very different in different individuals, making some children pleasers and some not,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n